[30 Letters challenge, Day 3] To my parents

Dear parents,

You brought me in this world, and you brought me up with much love and teaching me so many values and that's something I could never repay you for. You've been the ones to believe in me and to make me believe in myself. I actually think that you made me the person I am today and that's something so important to me, and I don't think I've ever told you that. It's not the kind of things we say, in our family. We don't talk much about that bond, but it doesn't make it any weaker.

I think I was a decent child when I was younger. I think I made you proud. And I'm sorry because I know that somewhere along the way, afterwards, I disappointed you. I'm sorry for all the things I've done wrong and I'm sorry you can't look at me the way you used to. It pains me just as much as it pains you, you know. There are things I can apologise for, there are things I made amends for, and there are things that are broken beyond repair. I guess that's what they call growing up.

We all have our flaws and I believe realising your parents aren't an exception to that rule is one of the hardest lessons in life. But it also helped me understanding my own flaws and becoming a better person. And you'll always be two of the people I look up to,  that is never going to change. Even on the days you piss me off beyond belief. Even on the days when you literally make no effort to listen to me and just stick to what you were saying all along as if you weren't even hearing (that's the one thing you both have in common, stubbornness).

I think throughout all my life I've always seen you as separate entities, even when you were still together. And you are both so different and yo brought so many different things in my life and that gave me richness, that game me power, that gave me strength. In addition to being good parents, you're great human beings and I'm so proud and honoured to be your daughter.

So thank you. Thank you for being there even though I'm sure sometimes you'd rather ignore me. Thank you for supporting me in your own ways. Thank you for trusting me when I needed the most. Thank you for providing me with a shelter and an education for so long. Thank you for teaching me respect and values, among other things. Thank you for giving me a wonderful little sister. Thank you for rebuilding your lives in separated ways. Thank you for existing.

I'm not the best daughter and I don't claim to be, but I promise you I'm trying. I'm trying my best to make you proud. Academically speaking of course, but also as a human being. And sometimes I'm afraid I'm never gonna be good enough, but please note that I'm really trying all I can.

I love you both so much.

Louise.